Another Five Kink Meme Fills
by madwriter223
Summary: What the title says. The first one has WARNINGS for Ragnarok, but the other four are Crack. Utter Crack.


**Ragnarok**

It all lay in ruin.

Midgard, Earth, this world full of wonders. All ruin.

His brother had done this. He had done this. Had controlled kings, manipulated tyrants, played with the minds of the powerful. Had filled their ears with lies and twisted truths, filled their eyes with illusions of betrayal and treachery all around them. Had lead them on the path to War, a War fought with dangerous missiles, with millions dead, with countless injured.

His brother has done this. Has wrought destruction by guiding the mortals' wills and hands to enact their own destruction.

His brother has done this.

"Brother," Thor's voice trembled as he asked the question, his words heavy with unshed tears. "_Why_?"

Loki turned to look at him, his face covered with soot of the burnt Earth, body smeared with the blood of the innocents.

"Why not?" He asked with a smile, then turned back to watch the chaos he helped bring.

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.**Written for a Kink Meme prompt:**

_Instead of bothering with an army, or the Tesseract, Loki mind-controls various government officials in multiple countries to set off WW3 decimating the population and ending in nuclear winter.  
Thor asks him why.  
Loki asks him why not. _

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**A True Bond**

Author's Note: I'm probably dishonoring this prompt with this weak fill, but I hope you enjoy it anyway.

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Thor glared at the Jotunns surrounding them, and hefted Mjolnir higher. The odds were against them, but they were Warriors of Asgard, valiant souls who never gave up! Even his brother, usually shying away from conflict and battle, relying instead on tricks and treachery, would gladly take up the challenge. Why, just look at him marching fearlessly closer to the throne, staring at the vile Jotunn King with no fear in his eyes.

But Loki didn't stop, just continued walking, jumping past grabbing Jotunn hands, sidestepping their blades of ice, making a beeline for the Monster King himself.

Even Thor knew that directly attacking the King was not a good idea.

"Brother, come back here!" He called, but the circle of Jotunns tightened around him and his friends, preventing them from going to stop Loki or to assist him, the intentions varied.

As they watched, Loki walked up to the Jotunn King, lifted his arms wide and promptly hugged him.

Nope, you read that right. Prince Loki of Asgard _hugged_ Laufey King of Jotunheim. Practically glued himself to his front. I know, right?

And Laufey? The King bent down, lifted Thor's suddenly and inexplicably blue brother and _hugged him right back_.

"Wha- LOKI! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

"Thor." There was a wondrous smile on Loki's face, and his voice trembled with joy. "Thor, this is my parent. I can feel it in my heart, this is _my parent_!"

Laufey hugged him tighter and petted Loki's hair.

Thor blanched. "LOKI, THEY ARE _MONSTERS_!" He roared, hoping to get through to his brother.

"Fuck that, I finally got my momma back!" Loki yelled in reply, snuggling closer to the now-cooing Jotunn King of Monster.

Thor facepalmed at Loki's apparent insanity. This is what he got for dragging his delicate little brother to face monsters. Mother and Father will be _furious_.

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.**Written for a Kink Meme prompt:**

_In Jotun culture its customary for a mother to spend the first week after birth, alone with their newborn to bond. This isolation is meant to strengthen the bind between mother and child emotionally, physically (familiarizing mommy and baby with the scent and feel of each others skin, nursing, etc.), and magically (mummy lends the baby it's first tendrils of magic to strengthen its own, entwining their 'threads' to form an unbreakable bond). This is a crucial ritual every Jotun mother and child must undergo and if the mother is unable to form a bond by the weeks end then the child's fate is sealed. They will either be taken in by a kind family in want of a child or left to die.  
If the bond between mother and child is successfully established, the second week spent forming bonds of the same nature with the father and sibling(s). But the bond between mother and child remains the most crucial.  
What Odin didn't know or bother to ask about: this ritual takes place within the sacred temple because the casket of winters helps nurture the bond. Nal/Laufey had not only formed one between himself and Loki, but given birth a month before in that very chamber where the Casket is held. Which would explain why Loki was so disconnected from his adopted family his whole life, because he already had a bond with Laufey and anything else feels inadequate.  
The first time Loki steps foot in Jotunheimr (to rally renegades to crash Thor's coronation) it feels like coming home. The bond between himself and Laufey, which had been dormant all his life awakens and leads them straight to each other.  
Loki still has 'issues' with being a Jotun but is like: fuck that, I finally got my momma back!_

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**Ice-Scream**

Apparently, Tony singing 'I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice-cream' while torturing Loki by eating a strawberry cone in front of the gagged god was not a good idea.

The next day, after Loki escaped, a 'situation' arose all over New York, traumatizing thousands.

Ice-cream cones screamed and begged for their lives. Sorbets wailed as they melted. Strawberry flavored anything sobbed. Deep, soul-wrenching sobs.

And as the cries of the ice-cream rose across the city, they were soon joined by a thousand children crying in tandem. Hell, about a hundred adults joined in as well.

Tony was never gonna look at an ice-cream cone the same way again in his life.

Five hours of unending screams later, they finally managed to locate Loki. The bastard was hiding in an ice-cream factory, had in fact holed himself up in a big-ass freezer. And there he sat, cuddling ice-cream that cooed at him.

Tony had one thing to say to him. "Please stop making it scream."

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.**Written for a Kink Meme prompt:**

_"Please stop making it scream." _

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**Bad idea**

Okay, so it was weird that Thor came back from Asgard with a cat literally riding on his shoulder. It was even weirder when they learned that Loki had been turned into a cat for 10000 years as punishment for the shit he pulled on Asgard. And that it was _him_ sitting on Thor's head now.

What wasn't even remotely weird was how every Avenger present (excluding Steve) started mocking Loki with kitty-jokes. Because come on, golden opportunity here. Then Natasha got the bright idea to grab Loki's tail and give it a brief tug. You know, to get his attention.

It took three of them to get the raging ball of black fur, sharp teeth and claws off her head.

Thor stood in the middle of the medical room, staring with big contrite eyes at the bandaged assassin. Loki hung from where Thor had him pressed against his chest, looking not even slightly sorry.

If Tony thought cats could have expressions, he'd say smug. Definitely smug.

"I am deeply sorry for my brother, Lady Widow." Thor said, looking close to tears.

"You think I care about your apology? I have stitches on my face! I can't have stitches on my face, I work with my face! The doctor said I'll need three operations to get rid of the scars!"

"I am deeply, deeply sorry." Thor hung his head, hugging Loki a little closer.

Steve cocked his head at the cat. "And you, Loki? Don't you have something to say?"

"Bite me?"

Tony curled his lip and shook his head. "Nah, even I know you gotta apologize to the pissed of assassin you maimed."

If a cat could look put-upon, this cat definitely was. "Fine. I'm sorry I didn't manage to claw out your eye, you mewling quim. I promise to do better next time."

Thor winced and shifted his brother slightly away from the enraged redhead. "I believe it would be better if I took my brother back to Asgard for a century or so."

"Yeah, let's go with that." Tony nodded, edging towards the exit himself. A pissed off Black Widow was a seriously scary Black Widow.

And Loki, the furry bastard, didn't look even a tiny bit impressed.

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.**Written for a Kink Meme prompt:**

_Idea from Sabrina the teenaged witch. As punishment for his crimes in Avengers Loki is turned into a cat with no access to his powers for one hundred years and anytime he acts up he has time added to his sentence. Thor, of course, volunteers to be Loki's caretaker so now Cat!Loki is living in Avengers mansion._

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**Suckfest of a Day**

Tony rubbed his throbbing temple as he contemplated the suckfest of a day this turned out to be. First Thor brought a bunch of weirdly-dressed dudes + one dudette to the Avengers Tower and introduced them as his friends from Asgard. Well, he introduced them as 'most valiant warriors and faithful companions to all his past quests'. Then the entire team had to endure what seemed like two weeks (but was actually only five hours) of braggart tales of trips to steal some artifact or other, or tales of their prowess in battle, or tales of how much Volstagg could eat in one go.

Honestly, these Asgardians really liked to hear themselves talk. The rest of them, not so much. In fact, Tony was fairly sure that Clint got so bored he went catatonic at some point. That would explain why he drooled a teeny bit.

Thank God for Pepper arriving and dragging him away for some paperwork. Tony had never liked paperwork more in his entire life.

And, as he read through the thirteenth contract, Loki suddenly decided to attack the city. Again. By turning everything with wheels into little furry balls of fluff with giant-ass teeth that could chew through concrete. Again.

So Tony sent the signal and the Avengers gratefully spilled out of the Tower and into the fight. True, those talkative boredom-fests were with them, but at least they concentrated on the battle.

Until the green dressed Mr. Mustache suddenly put down his weapons and waved cheerfully (that's right, _cheerfully_).

"Loki! Greetings, my love! How fare you?"

And Loki looked at him, then teleported himself right into the blond's arms, clinging to him with a happy little squee.

Then Thor bellowed "FANDRAL! TAKE YOUR HANDS OFF MY BROTHER IMMEDIATELY! YOU TWO ARE NOT PROPERLY CHAPERONED!"

Okay, this suckfest of a day just got too weird for sobriety.

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.**Written for a Kink Meme prompt:**

_Warriors 3 and Sif come to visit Thor with the Avengers. Avengers meet the W3+Sif in all their Asgardian silliness/glory.  
Then Loki attacks. But then he stops midway because he realizes his lover's come to earth. So he spends the rest of the week playing the fifth house guest while the Avengers have their minds blown 100 times over. _


End file.
